how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
