Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
