real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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