i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
