I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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