This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
