dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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