why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
