Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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