it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
