Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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