Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
