I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
