I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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