Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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