I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize