i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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