All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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