even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
