Ketchup is God's man juice
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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