So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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