Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
