Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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