I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
