We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
