Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
