I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
