We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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