I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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