Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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