my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Even my vagina gasped.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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