Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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