I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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