is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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