When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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