i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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