stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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