and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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