This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
