I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
