The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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