he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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