also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
