Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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