I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
