ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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