It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
