So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
