I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
