who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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