my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
