Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you will always have a special place in my vag
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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