Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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