The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
