I just saw a hot homeless man
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
