R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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