Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
