I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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