Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
