I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
