he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
