I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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