Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
