I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
