today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just high enough for therapy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
