I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
