go do what you do best...puke behind churches
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
