WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
