I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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