im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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