he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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