There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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