I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
