it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
