I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
