If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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