Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
