It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize